Archive for the ‘matt's work highlights’ Category

In about two weeks, Matt and I are moving from Pointe-Saint-Charles to Parc-Extension. I’m totally thrilled that we’ll be a fifteen minute walk from Jean-Talon Market, pho-adjacent, and close to Café Italia and other great Italian espresso joints. Not to mention a load of Indian restaurants and groceries. It’s an eater’s paradise. But now that it’s mid-June, and we’re thick in the yearly Pointe-Sainte-Charles-cottonwood-fluff invasion (last year kids entertained themselves by setting fluff on fire in the gutters), the roses under our balcony are in full bloom, and I’m riding my bike again, I’m feeling more than a little nostalgic and regretful about leaving the Southwest borough.

For one thing, I’ll miss this guy:

That’s the Centre Street Cat. I’m pretty sure he’s the mayor of the Pointe. I’ve never seen such a fearless urban feline – he can usually be found lounging right in the middle of the sidewalk, making pedestrians walk around him and deigning to flick his ear just slightly if you pet him.

I’ll also miss the funny little house on Soulange Street:

It’s such a mysterious little place. The rowhouses on either side seem much more recent – is it an old farmhouse? I love its red trim, and the fanciful little gable. It’s grown a bit dilapidated, and I hope someone sees how special it is and fixes it up.

There are lots other things I’ll miss about the Pointe, to many to list in this post. The important thing is, though, that these guys will be coming with me to Parc-Ex:

Two more weeks and we’re off!

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by matt

i work in a depanneur in point st. charles.  this is what happened tonight:

a kid came in with her dad.  she wanted peanut butter.

dad – “god, you’re so fucking frustrating!”

an obviously inebriated man cam in and bought some chips for the bar next door.

man – “16 bucks for chips?  are you kidding me?”

matt – “i shit you not.”

man – “i shit you not?  where were YOU born?”

matt – “montreal.”

man – “where were your parents born?”

matt – “alexandria, ontario.”

man – “you hit the nail on the head!  dominion street, betty bread bakery!”

matt – “my mom works there!”

(clumsy, awkward, drunken handshake)

man – “shit, what are you doing here?”

matt – “living, working.”

man – “frenchies bar!  gaetan’s chip stand!”

matt – “how the hell do you know all this?”

man – “i gotta get back to the bar!”

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by matt

i work in a depanneur in point st. charles.  here’s what happened tonight:

slim – do you have enough fives for tonight?

matt – i don’t know.

slim – well, you’re the genius.


slim – well?

matt – i don’t know.  i’m sorry i forgot yesterday.  i feel terrible, like i should just shoot myself in the head.

slim – no, it’s ok.

had a long conversation with mo, a quebec nationalist.

“serve me only in french, we’re in quebec.”

“if you keep pushing people up against the wall at some point they’re going to fight back.”

“the irish were sent here by the british to assimilate the french.”

“we’ve been turned into white ni***rs.”

radio – “a dj saved my life tonight.

came up with a great idea;  set up in a touristy area with manuscript paper and do musical caricatures.

the cossack is roumanian.  we had a long conversation about the dubious provenance of grape juice followed by some talk about cigarettes.

“they smell like your smoking tree leaves!”

met a red-nosed pit bull named buddy.  ridiculous.

then the neighborhood beagle came in.  they met.  adorable.

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by matt

i work at a depanneur in point st. charles.  here’s what happened tonight:

no rubber gloves, i had to do bottle returns with my bare hands with no hand-washing facilities.

radio djs on strange movie titles:

male dj – “‘dude, where’s my car?’  is that a movie?”

female dj – “‘weekend at bernies’ always bugged me.”

caller – “the absolute worst is ‘the men who stare at goats.’

male dj – “the movie wasn’t very good, either.”

caller – “oh, i haven’t seen the movie.”

radio – “everybody do the dinosaur.”

forgot to get felix to buy five dollar bills leaving me short on fives for the entire weekend.

everyone paid in fives!

radio played “rapper’s delight” but cut it off after the second m.c.

a guy came in looking suspiciously like a cossack.

spent three minutes watching felix flip pennies off the counter.

part of the ceiling caved in.

regular – “mumble, mumble they’re smoking anuses.”

met this guy.

john tesh – there IS such thing as the five-year itch.”

part of the ceiling fell off, again, almost hitting felix.

someone came in with a mug of beer and bought a 2L bottle of diet coke.

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by matt

i work in a depanneur in point st. charles. here’s what happened tonight.

nauseous and runny!

slim called, his name showed up on the caller display:

matt – hello?
slim – depanneur, depanneur, you have to say depanneur!
matt – even when i know it’s you?
slim – no, then it’s ok.
matt – ’cause your name showed up on the phone.
slim – but even yesterday i noticed you saying “hello, hello” all the time (because he always listening via microphone).
matt – yeah, i usually say that when i know it’s you (he calls a lot).
slim – do you mind just sticking to the script?

i vomited into the garbage can, bought some bags because i couldn’t find the store’s bags and swapped the vomit-filled one for a clean one. when slim came back about an hour later i told him about the vomit-filled bag so he wouldn’t get any nasty surprises and he told me to go home.

slim – do you think you’ll be better by friday (this was a sunday)?
matt – if i’m not better by friday then there’s something seriously wrong with me.
slim – ok, but do you think you’ll be better? i have obligations, too.
matt – i’m sure i’ll be better by friday.
slim – are you sure?
matt – if there’s a knife in my head i’ll still be here friday.
slim – ’cause your wife’ll put it there, right? (did i mention he thinks women are evil? even little girls? “even that young, they still know how to fuck with you.”)
matt – yeah… that’s right… ok, see you friday.

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by matt

i work in a depanneur in point st. charles. here’s what happened tonight.

slim (boss) threw an armful of boxes in a brief tirade about keeping the beer bottle returns area clean:
“i have an inspector who’s up my ass.”
“you saw how it looks. looks like a hell-hole.”

david (my landlord) came in:
“i’ve got a knuckle full of nickels”

an obese young woman was incredulous regarding our “composed butter” treats:
“omg, can you imagine the calories?!?!?!?”

marco (former delivery boy) stopped in to talk hockey:
“if i was every other team in the eastern conference i’d be keeping my fingers crossed.”

my neighbour came in with his dog, maggie and bought 2 6/49 tickets. tonight’s jackpot was $41,000,000:
“what do you WANT me to do with $41,000,000? you tell me!”

someone wanted to buy some styrofoam cups, and i scanned them:
(phone rings because my boss is always watching and listening in his basement “bat-cave”)
slim – “how much did you charge him for the cups?”
matt – “a dollar something. i scanned them.”
slim – “don’t scan anything. i told you that the prices are all wrong, you sold it to him for a low price.”
matt – “so, i can’t scan anything?
slim – “well, not everything.”
slim – “just call me next time.”

a young black man wanted our cheapest lighter which happened, unbeknownst to him to have a kitten on it:
“yeah, i like pussys.”

otter (old, alcoholic regular) bought some gatorade:
otter – “is this the blue gatorade?”
matt – “looks purple.”
otter – “well, it’ll have to do.”

radio – “jiiiiive talkin’!”

customer – “thirsty!”
matt – “it’s friday.”
customer – “thirsty, i said.” he proceeded to pay for a can of old milwuakee ($1.25) entirely in pennies.

radio – “hotline, hotline, calling on the hotline for your love”

cheryl (regular and sometime employee) came in and chatted me up for a while. eventually slim (who’s greek) called to tell her to leave (because he was watching and listening):
cheryl (over the phone) – “come and kick my ass! i’m waiting ‘casa grecque’!”

matt – “do you need a bag?”
customer (an englishman) – “nah.”
(the customer picks up his two items and promptly drops one)
customer (in a cockney accent) – “they jumpin’ out me ‘ands!”

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